The difference between the Trauma Self, Survival Self and Healthy Self

We all experience trauma at some point in our lives. Life is full of bumps and turns that can sometimes leave us wondering what is going on and will we ever get through it.

Through the trauma that life leaves us with our self is essentially split into 3 parts. The Trauma Self, the Surviving Self and the Healthy Self.

The Trauma Self contains split-off feelings/fragmented memories. Trauma feelings stay frozen in time. We experience embodied emotion: Shame, rage, mistrust, helplessness, fear/terror, intense aloneness, a deep well of grief, we are extremely vulnerable and easily rendered helpless and over-whelmed. This comes from experiences that have had a huge emotional impact on us that we try to keep hidden.

When we operate from the Survival Self, we are looking to survive not thrive – Avoid the pain of trauma at all costs. This can manifest itself in a myriad of ways. To name a few - working too hard/long, problems with work/life balance, people pleasing, manipulation of others, relationship problems, unable to find a work role that suits, burnout, victim attitude and being overly nice to avoid conflict.

The place that we need to be operating from as much as we can and the more we do, the more the survival self will diminish is the Healthy Self. This is where we have a clear sense of ‘I’. What I need. What is good and healthy for me. We are not operating from a mask we have placed upon ourselves for protection. It is not a constructed identity. We are grounded, clear thinking, confident and assured. We experience joy, passion, curiosity, energy/vitality, creativity, a sense of aliveness and meaning. We seek truth and engage with reality. We have a good memory of the past and make healthy decisions. We can connect with others and relate without losing oneself. Feelings of guilt or shame are situation appropriate.

“The more we operate from the Healthy Self, the more the Survival Self will diminish”

— Michael Andrew

Which self do you speak from. Do you recognise some of the survival traits coming out in yourself?

If you’d like to learn more about how you can learn to work with your healthy self and start to have that as your default setting as opposed to your survival self then DM me or email: michaelandrew@michaelandrew.tv.

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